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06 June 2009 @ 08:24 pm
OK... finally attempted a Hetalia fic.  

Smoke In Your Eyes
(Sometimes, America thinks it's not worth it)

1953, June 19th
Alfred wonders if this is what it means to be a hero, watching the couple brought out from their cells and into a brick-walled stage. Tonight’s show is the execution of two traitors, murderers jeopardizing the people of America.

They are the first.
They will be the last.

It is nearly sundown.

1951, March
The condemned sit in a far corner of the room behind bars, while the rest of the court circles, like vultures, stalking closer and closer.

The trial begins.

It goes like this:
“He said that he wanted my husband to give him information to be passed on to the Russians –”
“– I received further telephone calls from the person describing himself as Julius…”
“… Ethel was typing the notes when I entered the room –”
“– Yes, your Honor. I explained my notes concerning the atomic bomb to her.”


They will pay for their crimes.
For America is the Land of Freedom, and Russia isn’t.

1989
Russia smiles that simple smile of his and croons you sat them in the electric chair for nothing, all childish glee and cruel mocking.
“We got nothing from them.”

1951, April
By April they are sentenced to death.

“Citizens of this country who betray their fellow-countrymen can be under none of the delusions about the benignity of Soviet power that they might have been prior to World War II. The nature of Russian terrorism is now self-evident…

“I believe your conduct in putting into the hands of the Russians the A-bomb years before our best scientists predicted Russia would perfect the bomb has already caused the Communist aggression in Korea... Millions more of innocent people may pay the price of your treason.”

The Judge paused; America is rigid with tension.

Somewhere far off, there are wails and tears piercing the skies. Like sirens, like warning bells.
(– He tenses, sucks in a frozen breath, waits –)
I hereby sentence you to execution under the Espionage Act.
(–and Alfred allows himself a feral smile then.)

Russia will not win this.

1951, May
There are messages from all over Europe.

From France: You are afraid of the shadow of your own bomb.
From England: America has betrayed his own principles.
From Italy: Pope Pius XII condemns the execution. So let them go!

Mexico paints. Things like: the sky was painted in flames; Liberty burns like a heathen on sharpened stakes and many others besides, and makes sure he sends them to Alfred with a note to put them up on you bedroom wall. Sweet dreams.

From France again: Do not let this crime against humanity take place!

America can only scream; phrases like:
“Worse than murder”
“Betrayal”
“Diabolical conspiracy”
“Treachery”
tumble out of his mouth, again and again.
He can’t be wrong.

(But he starts to listen. Just in case.)

1953, June 19th
The sky is dyed orange and red; flames burning on stone and cotton of snow.
They trembled, defiant.
Their eyes say: there will be others who fight for freedom without cost, after us.
We know this with a conviction that defeats the executioner!

1951, August
The hours and minutes count, ticking backwards.
He can still hear Francis and Arthur and Romano shouting, and echoed whispers spread like wildfire among his people. The National Guardian published a series of papers. Questioning –
The trials.
Freedom.
Truth.
People ate it up – something rolls in the bottom of his stomach, something burns under his skin.
A defense committee formed soon afterwards.

The whispers turn into shouts, like France and England and everyone else. Louder.
Louder.

Alfred crawls into bed.

1953, June 19th

Silence rang in the hall like a paean.
The sun sinks as a new year approaches.

1953, February

The President had refused the appeal from the Pope, and his people are rioting outside the White House.
Snatches of song floated up, and the chant of bloodthirsty/hysterical fear/injustice rings in the flurry of activity like a fluttered breath. Like words that don’t mean anything – he heard them all before.
He imagines he will hear them long after.

Oppress'd so hard they could not stand, Let my People go.

Alfred feels sick, but America needs to be firm – or the Communists will overrun him.
Justice will be delivered.

1953, June 19th
America is a hero, he cannot be wrong.
No.
So –
They deserved it for betraying their country.
It’s the commie bastard’s fault.
They brought it on themselves.
– he watched them, strapped into chairs, and flicked the switch on.

Smoke rises around her head like a halo.

***
Notes:
On June 19th 1953, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were executed for espionage (accused for leaking the secret of the atomic bombs in particular). The trial began on March 6th 1951 and by April 5th they were sentenced to death. Picasso had written “The minutes count. The hours count. Do not let this crime against humanity take place” in L’Humanité (a French newspaper) and Sartre noted that America “was afraid of the shadow” of its “own bomb”. There were protests in London, Paris and Rome. Many people from all over Europe and South America were against this execution. After the National Guardian published a series concerning them, a defense committee was formed in August 1951. However, in February 1953, the president vetoed the appeal from Pope Pius XII and the execution went ahead.
The Rosenbergs were Jewish, and they were executed just before Sabbath (meaning that they died right before the Jewish New Year begins). Recent documents show that Julius Rosenberg was really a spy for the USSR, but there was very little evidence for Ethel’s involvement. In 1989, the NYT interviewed Boris V. Brokhovich, who said the atomic bombs were developed by trial and error with no assistance of leaked secrets.

Italy refers to Romano/S.Italy (since most of the rallies seemed to take place there).


ConCrit more than welcome!

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( 9 comments — Post a new comment )
Tasha: your future is bright[info]kitorii on June 6th, 2009 02:46 pm (UTC)
Appropriate icon is appropriate?
Oh god Alfred DDD: I...I really loved this fic. I loved your writing style (parenthesis rock)

I think these two parts got me the most

1989
Russia smiles that simple smile of his and croons you sat them in the electric chair for nothing, all childish glee and cruel mocking.
“We got nothing from them.”


Because....well damn. It was a punch to the gut when I saw the date, and...and just... Alfred . I can feel the doubts, the pain, the uncertainty...Oh it hurts. And the sad thing is that he's still so young , and he's just trying to do what he thinks is good...and with everyone else... They're not even truly yelling at him, they're whispering...And that hurts the most.

1953, June 19th
Alfred wonders if this is what it means to be a hero, watching the couple brought out from their cells and into a brick-walled stage. Tonight’s show is the execution of two traitors, murderers jeopardizing the people of America.

They are the first.
They will be the last.

It is nearly sundown.


*wails* Alfred! *sniffles* It's just...it's sad...and he just wants what's right. What's right for his people ...and if it means he wins then...if he's the hero then...then it's right, right? *Bawls*

I loved this fic, I expect awesome things from you.
[info]whaleabc on June 7th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC)
Re: Appropriate icon is appropriate?
Thank you for your kind words -^_^-!

I'm very glad that you think Alfred was IC! (I was so scared of making him OOC...)

And the sad thing is that he's still so young , and he's just trying to do what he thinks is good...and with everyone else... They're not even truly yelling at him, they're whispering...And that hurts the most.

Yay, I didn't fail! I wanted to convey that the other countries were criticizing him quite openly - but not taking it to him personally (thus dismissing and isolating him, even though they were supposed to be allies). It's the impersonal remarks that cuts the most...

Once again, thanks for your encouraging comments!
Emily[info]ludicmelody on June 6th, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC)
I.. I suck at giving concrits but.. THERE IS NOTHING YOU NEED TO IMPROVE ON IN THIS. Your writing style fits this fic so well

Please please please write more. I wanna read moaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from you. :DDD
[info]whaleabc on June 7th, 2009 03:07 pm (UTC)
Aww shucks *blushes*
Really, you're being too kind!

Lol, the style was chosen because I realized that I am incapable of writing anything longer than 400 words in one segment so I had to split it up... The screwy timeline was tossed in when I thought "mixing the time up would be more interesting!"

Thanks for reviewing!

I'm thinking of a 'series' where certain nations will be genderbent and comment/participate in the women's movement... it might be a while though, 'cuz school's being a pain right now.
Emily: hetalia - me want tomatoeee[info]ludicmelody on June 7th, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Aww shucks *blushes*
But the effect was wonderful all the same. :D

Go for it! I mean, they represent countries and the people right? So genderbending during the time of the women's rights movement would totally make sense. I'm going to be looking forward to it~
Eevee: Hetalia - Make tea not war[info]nighteevee on June 9th, 2009 09:10 pm (UTC)
I liked this story. I liked the concept, and I liked the execution, but I think it could have had a lot more emotional impact if you had fleshed some of the scenes more out. As it is, you have cut down to the bare neccesities of narration - just enough to get the sentiment across, and nothing more. It is true that a few carefully chosen words can carry more weight than many, but those must be very careful. So while I found the idea behind this very interesting, I think this would have benefitted from a bit more detail.
[info]whaleabc on June 10th, 2009 09:05 am (UTC)
Thanks for the concrit!
Yeah, I've noticed this problem in my other works too, it's just not as noticable in the others. Length and (the amount of) details are something that I really have to work on.

I think my problem is that when I do try longer scenes, it comes off as really boring to me (it feels like I'm just wasting space with useless words) - and I imagine that other people are going to feel the same when they read it. It's like... I'm either concentrating too much on the big picture (like in this story and other failed projects that never got written up) or too much on the details (in some of my original snippets). What are the ways to overcome this problem?

If you have other suggestions for improvement, please help me out!
Eevee: Writing[info]nighteevee on June 11th, 2009 11:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Thanks for the concrit!
To be honest, part of the reason I pointed this out is because I do the same thing myself - I think that too many words are going to bore people. I'm not sure whether that is because I myself is a bad reader or what, and I'm not sure what exactly I could give as spesific advice because I'm not really sure how good a writer I am myself. What does tend to work for me in stories like this is to write scenes that take place over very short periods of time ( = little or no dialogue) and focus on external details that emphasise whatever mental action is going on. Yes, I realize that this isn't much of an explanation, but I can't really think of any examples except for my own half-writting stuff. It's the best I can do, so I hope it's a little helpful, at least.
kangaeru_chan[info]kangaeru_chan on October 20th, 2009 05:49 am (UTC)
Alfred feels sick, but America needs to be firm – or the Communists will overrun him.
Justice will be delivered.


... *incoherent keysmash* This. This is it. You successfully captured the spirit of the American side of the Cold War... and man, does it hurt to look at the way paranoia sent innocent (well, I guess harmless would be more applicable, since Julius Rosenberg was involved in espionage) people to their deaths/ruin. Also, the usage of his human name and his nation name really shows how the American people had extreme misivings about the 'justice' involved, but the government wanted to ensure the protection of America no matter what... even if it meant falling back on fear when evidence was too scarce.

The flashback/flashforward organization is a bit hard to read at first, but I think it definitely contributes to the story- it reflects how scrambled things seemed during the Cold War. Right was right, Communism was wrong, and Justice carried around a hit list.

Also? I think the genderbent!nation series about the women's movement is a brilliant idea, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you write it! Also, sorry about the long post.
 
 

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